church today

sermon today (trinity grace church in NYC) was quite good. it was about how people treat each other - what people in general do today, and what we should be doing instead. today, people compare and condemn each other. the first thing we do when we meet someone is make an opinion, then use fact to solidify any opinions,  and then emotion to build the relationship. that is where people usually stop. they don't move to vulnerability, then compassion and then finally brotherly love. it is the last three things that one needs to build a true relationship with another. and it is only on the last phase where you can GENTLY encourage people to do good and to support each other. 

key word here is "gently," because often times, we end up telling our loved ones to change their behavior by forcing down their throats. that only starts a vicious cycle of us telling them to "try harder" -> which leads to the person feeling "guilt" -> then eventually "failure" and then starting all over at "try harder" (there are four steps in total but i can't remember them all). 

the key is to gently nudge the person in the right direction, where it is done in a timely manner and a gradual change (as a reminder, you should be doing this once you have reached the love stage of getting to know someone, not the opinion/fact phase). and this is where i fail miserably. a lot of times, i literally tell others to "try harder" and just try to force change without taking into consideration that it will only fail. i need to be gentler, i need to show more love, and i need to do it to myself as well.

there's a lot more to the sermon that i don't remember and did not mention, but i figured i would write this out now before i forget everything else.